


그대 한걸음만 다가와요. (come one step closer to me.)

by luminaeries (stellarisms)



Category: SHINee
Genre: Canon Compliant, Falling In Love, Growing Up, Introspection, OT5 Friendship, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 22:37:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 17,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15129251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarisms/pseuds/luminaeries
Summary: Forever, Minho thought, was a strange and faraway concept, indeed.(But as soon as Taemin was back on the ground, tumbling into his arms to be embraced in a one-armed congratulatory hug, Minho wondered if the toothy smile and the bright sparkle to those soft and pretty downturned eyes was enough to make him believe forever might be closer than he thought.)





	1. 그대가 꿈처럼 다가오네요. [You come to me as if in a dream.]

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written in 2010, this (very!) old fic...still means the world to me.   
> Today felt as good a day as any to post it, though, and have it archived here :">
> 
> And - who knows? Depending on the reception, I may just write a little 'epilogue' to it yet...

When Minho first met the other members of what would later become SHINee, he found himself more than overwhelmed.

 

Jonghyun and Kibum were the first to approach him (naturally, he would think years later, because they were always together, practically attached at the hip), all too-friendly eyes and probing questions and anticipated answers.

 

They only mention their names when prompted, and - when Minho at last cracked a smile over one of Jonghyun's ridiculous expressions - they start to laugh with such reckless abandon, it made Minho think that maybe he didn't just pass the auditions just to be another pretty face for the company to call their own.

 

It made Minho think that maybe - just maybe - he might be able to make friends (real friends) with the other trainees and not feel like he was the odd one out.

 

A few days and a host of after-practice and after-school meetings and lunch dates, Jonghyun and Kibum introduced him to Jinki.

 

He met Jinki while the older boy was trying to get his drink out from the vending machine on the third floor (the only one that never worked properly, Minho knew, in all the time he had been at SM), while mumbling to himself about the state of the economy - and, frustrated, kicked the vending machine until it tilted and nearly toppled over on top of him.

 

Minho caught it just in time, of course, and Jinki still swears that Minho saved his life.

 

Minho only laughed when the incident gets mentioned, trying to remember how many times Jinki bowed in thanks that day.

 

Nearly a month later, Kibum introduced Minho to Lee Taemin - and that was when things began to change the most for Minho.

 

Unlike Jonghyun (or Kibum, for that matter), Taemin never asked unnecessary things or spoke out of turn.

 

Like Jinki, Taemin had his moments of clumsiness and awkwardness, but even those moments paled in comparison to the moments where he was more mature than most boys his age.

 

But it was Taemin's aura - warm and inviting and almost too pure, to the point where he seemed like he made the world just a little bit brighter just by smiling - that made Minho completely and utterly spellbound by the younger boy.

 

Taemin was two years his junior, but about a year his senior at the company.

 

It showed, too.

 

It showed, from the way that Taemin knew how to treat people (juniors, seniors; he captivated them all with an effortless charm).

 

It showed, from the way Taemin knew all the secret nooks and crannies of the company where they could talk in a quiet place

 

But it always showed, especially, when he danced.

 

And Taemin _danced_ , alright.

 

He danced in the way that made everyone look on in envy, in admiration, and almost always in amazement.

 

Granted, for Minho, it was equal parts admiration and in amazement; but he would be lying if he said he never envied the way Taemin danced, as if it was all so easy.

 

as if his body moved of its own accord to the music and not at all by the aftereffects of mental and physical effort and long hours of practice spent figuring out the most basic of moves.

 

Weeks would pass, and - after they had become such good friends that even Jonghyun and Kibum would take notice of it - Minho would call their first meeting something like fate.

 

(But it would take a year before Minho realized it was more like love at first sight.)

 


	2. 언제나 이렇게 웃어요 난. [I always smile like this.]

After SHINee debuted, Minho learned quite a few things about his new group mates (and roommates, for the time being – or for however long SM decided to have them living together) that put things into perspective for him.

 

Their leader, in particular, he learned a lot about in those early days of debut. 

 

Jinki was a very good hyung, a very stable singer, and a surprisingly good leader – but he was so clumsy that his lack of physical aptitude made Minho wonder about who was the older one between them.

 

Of course, he made a conscious effort to keep an eye on Jinki whenever he lost his balance or tripped on two left feet, because who else would catch him before he fell? 

 

Jonghyun might, but he would just point and laugh whenever Jinki would trip; one of these days, Minho thought, Jinki would get himself seriously hurt and Jonghyun wouldn’t take his injury seriously. 

 

Kibum might, but he would nag at the poor guy for making Kibum so concerned; it was a reaction with all the best intentions, but Minho knew that with Kibum, things never quite came out the way they were intended. 

 

And then, there was Taemin, who always seemed earnest and eager to please – so much that Minho sometimes forgot that he was only two years younger than him. 

 

While filming their reality show “SHINee Yunhanam” in particular, Minho found he was seeing a different side of all the members with each and every passing day. 

 

Perhaps it was the effect of a rolling camera, but Minho knew the way they acted in the privacy of their shared dorm was similar, too. 

 

Kibum was just as self-assured (most of the time) in public as he was at home, Jinki was just as much of a worrywart (sometimes even more than Kibum) in front of the masses as he was at home, and Jonghyun was just as talkative (oftentimes to the extreme) as he was at home. 

 

But Taemin was different.

 

When they first debuted, Minho felt as reserved as he did awkward in front of the camera – to the point where the words he wanted to say would die somewhere in his throat and never come out. 

 

But in Taemin’s case, the more he was in front of the camera, the more Taemin came out of his shy and reluctant shell. 

 

He still followed exactly what the directors instructed him to do (unlike Minho, who reluctantly took what they said into account), but Taemin didn’t seem to have a problem adopting his identity as “Youngest Taemin,” showing off a cute smile or a little dance when prompted without hesitation. 

 

It takes a careful balancing act for him to slip the façade of an idol’s image on and off, but Taemin seemed to already be figuring out what it took. 

 

And Minho admired him for that.

 

“You can do it, too, hyung.” Taemin chirped, as they leaned against the railing of the bungee-jump platform and felt the warm post-summer breeze. “I’ll jump right after you do, okay? And we’ll meet each other at the bottom.”

 

“You think it’s a good idea if I say ‘ _ SHINee fighting _ ’ before I jump?” Minho asked, looking down at the dot-sized Jonghyun and Jinki sitting on a dockside bench by the lake. “You know. As a good luck charm.” 

 

He turned to Taemin, surprised to see the maknae smiling as if he had won the lottery.

 

“That’s a great idea!” Taemin exclaimed, bumping shoulders with Minho. “I was planning on saying something like that, too…so that’s perfect!”

 

The cameramen were already beckoning Minho over to have his harness properly fastened to get ready to jump – but Minho turned back to Taemin quickly so that he could ask the question nagging at him since before:

 

“Why, what were you planning on saying before you jump, Taemin-ah?”

 

“ _ SHINee forever _ !” Taemin called to Minho’s retreating back, waving lanky arms and clenched fists. “Minho-hyung, fighting! SHINee, fighting!”

 

Forever, Minho thought, was flying free on a bungee cord and taking in the blurred colors of the scenery below. 

 

Forever, Minho thought, was breathing in solid chunks of air and feeling the excitement for whatever the future could bring them next build up inside of him.

 

Forever, Minho thought, was a strange and faraway concept, indeed.

 

(But as soon as Taemin was back on the ground, tumbling into his arms to be embraced in a one-armed congratulatory hug, Minho wondered if the toothy smile and the bright sparkle to those soft and pretty downturned eyes was enough to make him believe  **_forever_ ** might be closer than he thought.)

 


	3. 세상이 힘들게 해도, 난 절대 눈물은 보이고 싶진 않죠. [Even if the world is difficult, I’ll never show my tears.]

 

 

They all held their breath, a collective intake of oxygen that left them each glancing from the main stage to each other for their name to be called.

 

If it got called. 

 

But, of course, they hoped it would.

 

“Not gonna cry if we get the award,” Jonghyun rasped, throat dry from so much shouting for the other artists at MKMF. “Not gonna cry, not gonna cry, notgonnacryyyyy—and Kibummie, you better not cry, either!” The older boy poked the smooth hollow of Kibum’s cheek, rocking back and forth in his chair. “Otherwise, you’re gonna make  **me** cry!” 

 

“You’d better not cry, either, Mr. I-Can’t-Keep-My-Big-Mouth-Or-My-Tear-Ducts-Shut.” Kibum stopped wringing his hands nervously to tap the side of Jonghyun’s face. 

 

“ _ God _ ,” a heavy sigh, betrayed only by the wry amusement in Kibum’s eyes as he leaned over to whisper to Minho, “he’s such an idiot, isn’t he?”

 

“At least he’s an honest idiot,” Minho chuckled, moving his chair to let Taemin and Jinki (back from their bathroom break) into their row. “Anyway, he’s your idiot. You’ve got him on a leash, right? Or is that the other way around…Mr. Wherever-Jonghyun-Goes-I-Go-Too?”

 

“Shut up,” Kibum rolled his eyes, pinching Minho’s arm and, eventually, starts wringing his hands again. “And since when did you get to be so snarky? Have you been spending too much time with Changmin-sunbae or what?”

 

Minho didn’t answer – not because he was being purposefully taciturn but because he honestly didn’t know. 

 

Certainly, the past months spent with SHINee helped him open up as a person and as an idol. 

 

He couldn’t have been happier with the changes he felt inside and outside of him. 

 

It was as if, just like a snake undergoing a transformation and shedding its old skin, he began to feel comfortable with his new skin more and more as the weeks passed. 

 

He wanted to attribute it to his newfound understanding of Kibum (who spent enough time engaged in heart-to-heart talks with Minho as often as he spent time in complete silence with Minho), but maybe that wasn’t all there was to it. 

 

He wanted to attribute it to his quiet friendship with Jinki (who spent far too much time fretting over Minho’s health and not nearly enough over his own well-being), but maybe that wasn’t all there was to it, either. 

 

And Jonghyun’s friendship meant a lot to him (he really reminded Minho of his older brother, so sure of himself sometimes but always needing a kind of brotherhood only SHINee could provide), but he knew that wasn’t the only influence on the changes inside of him.

 

A small, trembling hand curled tightly around his, interrupting his flow of thoughts.

 

“Ahhh, there they go…” Taemin bit his lower lip, watching the award presenters with their cue cards in hand, trying hard not to show his nervousness. “They’re gonna call the Best Male Newcomer of the Year now…!”

 

Minho gave the younger boy’s hand a soft squeeze, entwining their fingers briefly.

 

“Don’t worry,” Minho loosened his grip on Taemin’s hand (he immediately regretted it, too, if only for the warmth it provided) but didn’t let go. “If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.” 

 

_ You’ll always be the best in my mind _ , he wanted to say. 

 

Of course, the words wouldn’t come out. 

 

He still had a long way to go, after all. 

 

But then he heard their name called, and the five of them were assaulted by a chorus of elated screams from the fans in the crowd, thunderous applause echoing from behind them, and the sound of muffled hiccoughs when they finally reached the main stage.

 

The applause behind them came from Dong Bang Shin Ki’s seats. 

 

Changmin and Yoochun, in particular, all congratulated them with high-fives – and Jaejoong’s smile even was unusually unrestrained as he leaned over Yunho’s shoulder to flash a thumbs-up in their direction. 

 

Minho bowed to each of them in turn, a lump caught in his throat as Junsu shook his hand and as Yunho gave him a quick shoulder-bump hug.

 

The muffled hiccoughs were from Jonghyun and Kibum, who, predictably, walked together as the younger one started bawling and prompted the older one to wrap a protective arm around him and try (and fail) not to cry with him.

 

They were so happy, of course – and grateful. 

 

That was why they couldn’t stop themselves from getting emotional.

 

Jinki gave their congratulatory speech – and completely failed at keeping his tears in, too – while Taemin was positively abuzz with a sort of afterglow energy and Minho spent most of the time on stage alternating between hugging Jonghyun and Kibum on either side of him. 

 

But eventually his arms got tired, so he let Jonghyun take care of Kibum (as he always knew how to, better than any of them) and spent the rest of him time stealing glances at the maknae and patting Jinki’s arm to keep him steady.

 

They all spent far too much time backstage recuperating, getting doted on and comforted by their makeup artists and coordinator noonas (and even some of the other artists’ makeup artists and coordinator noonas to boot), and hugging each other. 

 

But Minho didn’t really mind. 

 

The flurry of activity was to be expected. 

 

He liked getting lost in the crowd, too, letting the heady sensation of pride and thankfulness and victory wash over him. 

 

Taemin seemed to enjoy it as well, flitting back and forth from Jonghyun and Kibum in a valiant attempt to comfort his hyung-deul and dodging Jinki’s questions about why he wasn’t crying. 

 

It was only when they were tucked away in the third row of their van ride back to the dorm that Taemin started to sniffle and shake a bit, while a ballad song played at a barely audible volume over the radio.

 

“If you want to cry, it’s okay.” Minho stroked the top of boy’s head, massaging smooth circles into his back. “The others already fell asleep, and they’re in the second row, besides.” 

 

_ I won’t tell _ , Minho spoke through his gaze, hoping his message would reach him,  _ your secret’s safe with me _ .

 

When Taemin burrowed his face into the inside of Minho’s shirt and hid shuddering sobs in the stretched fabric, Minho suddenly realized that  **he** was crying, too.

 

And not just because they had won that award.

 

(He was crying, of course, for himself and for their achievement – but he was mostly crying for the part of him that already realized he was growing up so quickly, too quickly, and a part of him that was crying for a little more time to be childlike and innocent like Taemin.)

 


	4. 상상속 그대가 멋져보여요. [You look so cool in my imagination.]

“Minho-yah~” Every bit the doting noona, Sunny plopped down in the chair beside Minho and poked the teen’s cheek. “Our break’s ending in five minutes, and you haven’t even looked at the lunch table!”

 

It was the first time Minho had ever directly interacted with SNSD, one of their many senior groups at SM, and the only reason why was because he had been invited to appear in their latest music video. 

 

He didn’t see any reason why the others couldn’t have done it, but the all-girls group’s manager insisted. 

 

Apparently, Minho had the right ‘look’ to him to him that would fit the role for the song’s hook, and their manager refused any other suggestions thrown at him.

 

Minho didn’t really mind, but he figured there were plenty of other male idols in their agency that would fit the bill, too. 

 

Like Donghae-hyung. 

 

“But you’re looking at your phone a lot…” Minho glanced at the older girl and, seeing her bright eyes trained on him, he couldn’t help but think that she really did live up to her stage name. “Talking to someone important?”

 

_ Oh, that’s right.  _

 

_ He's at practice right now with Eunhyuk-hyung, isn't he…? _

 

“Not really.” Minho shut his phone, offering a wan smile. “It’s just Taemin…he won’t stop texting me.”

 

“Awwww, your maknae, right?” Sunny kicked her feet around, chin tilted toward the lights hanging over the brightly colored MV set. “Yoona said he’s really nice…a little quiet, but nice.” Sunny beamed. “A little bit like you, actually.”

 

Another fervent vibration against his thigh made Minho start.

 

Automatically, he reached for his cell phone and pressed a few quick buttons to open Taemin’s next few messages.

 

_ hyuuuuuuuung, key-umma won’t stop bugging me to go eat……. _

_ but you’re not back yet…………………!! _

_ I don’t wanna eat w/o you!!!! >O<;;;; (you promised we would eat together~~~~) _

 

_ hyuuuuuuung! when are you finishing~~~~? TT^TT;; _

_ (oh, and did you see the stuff i sent you yesterday yet…?  _

_ i found some of jonghyun-hyung's old cyworld pictures!!!!!! _

_ this time, i found one of him making a really weird face kekekeke) _

 

_ and I found my lucky charm~~~! ^^ _

_ remember the guitar pick I found at the carnival we went to that time ?  _

_ I wonder if that rocker girl’s missing it… _

 

“…He’s so  **cute** ~” 

 

A new voice from behind Sunny and Minho made them both jump. 

 

It was Hyoyeon, hat on crooked and mouth agape as she stared over Minho’s shoulder to read Taemin’s messages. 

 

“I mean, seriously? I always thought our maknae was cute, but Seohyun never texts me when I’m away like that…!” 

 

“That’s okay.” Sunny patted the pouting Hyoyeon’s shoulder. “How about I text you like that when you’re away? Then you won’t feel so bad.”

 

“Are you kidding?!” Hyoyeon cackled, slapping Sunny’s arm. “You’re not the maknae of SoShi; besides, you’re older than me, Sunny!”

 

“True, I guess I’m your unnie by a few months,” Sunny chirped, pretending to roll up her sleeves and get ready to punch the taller girl, “but that just means I have a good excuse to sock you one if you don’t behave!”

 

Minho threw his head back and laughed, watching their playful banter briefly before getting up to go find a drink (he wasn’t hungry because Jinki made him a big breakfast for them before he left) and decided that maybe SNSD weren’t so bad. 

 

He made sure to text Taemin back, though, so that Taemin wouldn’t think he forgot about him.

 

_ Go eat lunch and listen to Key.  _

_ He means well…he just has a hard time saying what he means sometimes. _

_ (And I didn’t forget. We’ll have a snack together when I get back, okay? _

_ Popcorn and a movie, too – as long as you still feel up to it later.) _

 

_ I’ll be finished soon. /=+=/  _

_ We’re about halfway done as it is, so I'll come over after dinner. _

_ (Pffft, that’s awesome. I’ll take look at it later. _

_ I bet it'll looks weirder than weird when I actually see it.) _

 

_ Like I said way back when we found that…  _

_ Someone probably just dropped it in there by accident =_=;; _

_ You sure have an active imagination, Taeminnie… _

 

And then – remembering the very first text Taemin send him the moment he got on the set again – Minho sent one last message:

 

_ Oh, and just so you know, I was right. _

_ Like I told you before… _

_ None of the noonas here are my type. _

 

(He honestly wanted to tell Taemin that none of them were as pretty as the maknae, with his soft dark eyes and too-slender build.

 

But Minho figured Taemin already heard that too often – and some things were better left unsaid, after all.)

 


	5. 그대 따스하게 날 꼭 감싸주네요. [ You warmly hold me tight. ]

The four members all stood around Jinki’s hospital bed for about fifteen seconds, contemplating over an awkward silence. 

 

No one dared to speak. 

 

No one knew what to say. 

 

Kibum, unsurprisingly, was the first to open his mouth and scold him. 

 

(They wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.)

 

“Honestly,” Kibum huffed, pressing their drowsy leader’s face together with his hands until his features contorted, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you weren’t feeling well! We could have just left early before they started counting the final votes!”

 

“You really scared us, hyung!” Taemin added tearfully, red curls shivering as he drew closer to the leader to give him a hug. “We thought you got hit by the sparks from the falling lights or something…”

 

“I could’ve sworn you were right behind me, I told Manager. But then you just…disappeared!” Jonghyun’s lips were curled into an uncharacteristic scowl, gaze alight with obvious concern. “You were lucky Leetuek-hyung was there to catch you!”

 

“Errughhhawhh—I’m sorry, guyyyyys!” 

 

Jinki flailed his free arm lightly (the one that wasn’t hooked up to an IV cord) and tried to make Kibum let go of his round cheeks. 

 

“ _ Yes _ , Kibummie, I knew better, but I wanted us to stay for the whole thing! And no, Taeminnie, I didn’t get hurt…but like Jonghyunnie said, I got lucky!” 

 

He flashed his best – albeit weak – smile. 

 

“I’m fine now, really! I’m sorry I made all of you worry.”

 

Minho stood up from the stool by the window (his legs had almost given way on him before, once they got to the hospital with an unconscious Jinki in tow), gently brushing past Jonghyun to squeeze Jinki’s shoulder. 

 

It was a small gesture, but he felt as tired as Jinki looked and they all knew it.

 

Minho had been one of the first to come running when Jinki fainted, after all. 

 

“You made us way more than worried, Jinki-hyung.” Minho felt two pairs of arms wrap around his waist (Taemin, judging from how thin his wrist was when he gripped it back, and Kibum, judging from all the accessories on his wrist) and nodded. “We were scared, you know. Really, really scared.” 

 

His eyes slid shut. 

 

“If anything serious happened to you again and no one was there to help you…what would you have done?”

 

Jinki flinched, sensing an undercurrent of quiet agreement from the other three members standing around him. 

 

He bit his lower lip, looking close to tears. 

 

Minho opened his mouth to apologize to the older boy until Taemin pushed past him and took Jinki’s hands firmly.

 

“Promise us you won’t make us worry like that again, hyung?” There it was: their maknae Taemin’s glowing moment of maturity. “Otherwise…otherwise, Jonghyun-hyung might have to be our leader—and none of us want that!”

 

The air went completely still around the five boys at that moment. 

 

But then, Jonghyun snickered under his breath and Kibum snorted ‘that’s my son’ under his with a touch of pride. 

 

Minho said nothing, having seen his fair share of Taemin’s ‘moments’, but even he was trying not to grin. 

 

And Jinki just smiled.

 

Jinki just smiled, beckoning them all together for a group hug. 

 

The other four were all too willing to huddle close and wrap their arms around each other—sharing warmth and murmured encouragements—if only to appease their apologetic leader.

 

“You know,” Jinki chuckled, “it’s not like I’m dying or anything.” Minho felt Taemin stiffen beside him at this remark and decided to ask him about that later. “The doctors said I’ll be fine after a couple of days of rest.”

 

“So you guys do whatever’s left on our schedule for this week, okay?” Jinki patted at Minho’s and Jonghyun’s shoulders.  “I’ll meet up with you later.” 

 

“Speaking of which,” Kibum hummed, pulling away as he looked at his cell phone, “we’ve got a recording to make in about an hour. Manager sounds like he’s ready to come up and drag us to the MBC studio any second now.”

 

“Let’s go, then.” 

 

Minho shooed Jonghyun away (though he didn’t need much prompting, chasing after Kibum soon afterward) and ushered Taemin toward the door with him, though not before sending Jinki a quick nod. 

 

“We’ll stop by before choreo practice tomorrow, hyung!”

 

“Okay,” Jinki flopped back onto his pillow, eyes falling shut contently. “Have a safe trip…nnmmh, a-and can you...shut the lights before you go...?” 

 

Taemin flipped the switch, waving to their exhausted leader (even though Minho was pretty sure Jinki wouldn’t see it). 

 

“’Night, Jinki-hyung! Get lots of rest, okay?” 

 

They saw Jinki wave to them in the dark, and that was the end of that. 

 

Minho saw Jonghyun and Kibum waiting by the stairs at the end of the hall, but he walked slowly so Taemin would follow his lead. 

 

They still had a few things to talk about, after all.

 

“I know you said you were really scared,” Minho started as soon as Taemin was able to match his pace, “when we were driving over here with the ambulance. But it looks like he’ll be okay now.” Taemin didn’t lift his head to respond, though, and Minho frowned. “Taem—”

 

“I had a dream.” The maknae’s voice was soft. “I had a really scary dream last night about SHINee breaking up.” 

 

Minho stopped in his tracks and turned to the downcast Taemin.

 

“Taemin,  **listen** .” Minho gripped the boy’s shoulders, leaning over him enough so that their gazes met. “Nothing’s going to happen to us, okay? Jinki-hyung’ll get better. He hurts himself all the time, but the Onew Condition’s never hurt him so bad that he couldn’t get up again.”

 

He knows what Taemin’s thinking about, though. 

 

What they’re both most fearful of, these days.

 

“Taem.  Jonghyun-hyung and Kibum would never think of leaving the group. They love SHINee, you know that...all of us aren’t going anywhere.”

 

“What about you?” Minho sucked in a sharp breath; he had been hoping Taemin wouldn’t notice the absence of his name. “Do you love SHINee enough to want us to stay together, hyung?”

 

Those big dark eyes regarded Minho with a myriad of swirling emotions – expectation, apprehension, and a spark of something unnameable. 

 

A brief silence persisted between the two boys while Minho thought long and hard about his answer. 

 

“Don’t worry. I’ll always be around.” Minho assured him, wrapping his arms around the smaller male and enveloping him in a firm hug. “Even if that dream comes true…I’ll always be around, whenever you need me.”

 

Of course. 

 

That was the nature of their friendship, after all: sharing their dreams and worries, talking about silly things and sad things, and opening up their hearts a little bit more to each other. 

 

A part of Minho wanted to open up to the possibility that they could be more than friends. 

 

But the other, more sensible part of him he knew they weren’t quite ready for that yet. 

 

He didn’t want to risk their friendship on an ambiguous feeling, either.

 

No. It was more like he  couldn’t —

 

Because he would never push Taemin into something he didn’t want to do.

 

“Sorry…” Taemin lifted his head from Minho’s chest, a sheepish smile in place. He still looked sad, but Minho could tell he would be alright now. “I guess I was being a little silly. Dreams are dreams, but…once you wake up, they disappear.” 

 

“You probably won’t have the same dream again, anyway.” Minho gave his wrist a gentle tug, not expecting Taemin to reach out for his fingertips instead and let their shoulders brush with every step forward. “Most people don’t.” 

 

They walked down the hall together after Jonghyun and Kibum.

 

(Minho watched the pair’s retreating backs disappear down the stairwell ahead of them, all the while keeping his smile and his heartbeat in check—

 

—Because, for the entire trip down to the MBC studio, Taemin refused to let go of his hand.)

 


	6. 내 맘을 모르는 그대라도… [ Even if you don’t know my feelings… ]

They went to Dong Bang Shin Ki’s last concert on the Mirotic tour to support them – but also to support Kibum, who would be a guest .

 

Most of the noona-deul from SNSD and the hyung-deul from Super Junior were there, too. 

 

Minho couldn’t find Sunny or Hyoyeon, but he spoke with Yoona for a good five minutes catching up on life since they had seen each other on the set of ‘Gee.’ 

 

Half of that time was spent telling the other girls that appeared where Kibum was.

 

The other half of that time was spent looking around every five seconds for Taemin, who disappeared with Yunho nearly ten minutes ago.

 

He shouldn’t have been so nervous, really (Yunho was a trustworthy guy, and Minho had always thought of him as everyone’s big brother), but backstage had become an absolutely chaotic place now and he didn’t want to lose track of where everyone else was. 

 

It was hard enough to find anything in the throng of staff members and idol group members wandering in and out of the dressing area. 

 

“Hi.” Suddenly, Jaejoong came up to them, sending Yoona a brief glance and an apologetic nod. “Could I talk to you for a second? Sorry about this, Yoona-sshi.”

 

“No problem, oppa!” Yoona’s gentle eye smile appeared, the kind that was charming and unreadable all at once. “He’s all yours.” With a light wave. “See you around, I guess?” 

 

Jaejoong led him all the way to the bathroom at the end of the hall – and all the while, Minho followed him fighting back the apprehension building in the pit of his stomach. 

 

Truthfully, he didn’t know Jaejoong all that well. 

 

He didn’t even know why he agreed to have this private talk. 

 

But he heard lots of things from Jinki (who was surprisingly close with the older man) about Jaejoong. 

 

And one of the things Jinki warned him about came to mind the moment he pulled Minho aside.

 

_ If Jaejoong wants to ‘talk with you’ privately, it’s usually to talk about one of three things: a favor, a rumor, or romance. _

 

Minho hoped it wasn’t the former, but he really hoped it wasn’t the latter.

 

“Minho-yah.” Jaejoong’s tone was soft and melodious, but it was – as always – filled with sentiment untold. “There’s a couple of things I’ve been meaning to ask you.” 

 

Minho felt his heart skip a beat, eyes wide. “Like what, hyung?”

 

“…I guess I should just be upfront about this.” Running a hand absently through mussed brown locks, Jaejoong sighed. “Minho-yah, you’re happy, aren’t you? Right now?”

 

“Of course I am,” was Minho’s automatic reply. He had a group of four friends who were like brothers to him, a career that was just taking off, and a promising future ahead of him. “That’s…kind of a weird thing to ask, isn’t it—?”

 

“Second question.” Jaejoong pressed on without any hesitation, but his next words were punctuated by a warm smile. “Do you have anything you couldn’t stand to lose right now?”

 

Minho hummed, carefully turning the question over in his mind. “Something…or someone?”

 

“You’re a smart boy, Minho-yah.” Jaejoong grinned, ruffling Minho’s hair. “I figured you’d know what I meant.”

 

Minho shut his eyes, thinking of all the things he had in his life to be grateful for. 

 

His parents, who both loved him dearly, definitely were first on the list. 

 

His brother, who he tried his best to still keep in contact with, was another person. 

 

SHINee, of course, the group that had become like his family. 

 

He thought of Taemin – his bright-eyed, energetic, precious dongsaeng – and how quickly they had become friends in the past months he had spent with SHINee. 

 

“There’s too much I’d be scared to lose,” Minho admitted, adjusting the collar to his jacket. “I guess it’s selfish of me, but…I would be afraid to lose anything in my life right now.” He chuckled. “I’m happy, so I guess that’s why.”

 

The simple response rendered Jaejoong speechless. 

 

Minho blinked a few times, wondering if the thoughtful expression on his hyung’s face would disappear soon enough. 

 

It didn’t. 

 

But to his surprise, Jaejoong suddenly bumped shoulders with the tall boy, wrapping him in a quick but firm hug.

 

“Third and final question.” After he pulled away, Jaejoong smiled. “You’ll take good care of Taemin-ah, won’t you?” There was a serious undercurrent to his voice. “He’s a good boy. Yunho-ah told me he cares about you a lot, so—”

 

“I will, hyung. I’ll take care of him.” Minho nodded, letting his gaze show how much he meant every word. “I promise.”

 

(Later, when Taemin found him standing between the speakers and the stage light controls, Minho took the smaller teen’s hand and squeezed it tightly, letting their fingers entwine and laughing off the ache in his heart that came from Jaejoong’s last words.

 

Along with the slow but sinking realization that  _ this  _ would be what he couldn’t stand to lose, after all.)


	7. 멀리서라도, 그대의 그 미소를.  [ Even if it’s from far away, I’m grateful. ]

They spent a week in March in New Zealand, where they were shooting for a photobook and a DVD simultaneously, soaking up the mild sunshine and resisting the urge to run off and explore the city of Auckland more. 

 

It wasn’t the first time they had gone overseas, but it was their first time in a European country.  

 

Minho loved the feeling that came with traveling, no matter where they went.  

 

He knew Taemin did, too, and it showed in the younger boy’s mood.  

 

He was all smiles from the moment they got to their hotel, tugging on Minho’s sleeve and telling him how excited he was to shoot out in the countryside.  

 

He certainly ran around and biked over the hills enough to prove that much.  

 

Not that Minho ever doubted him. 

 

As the week wore on, they had a chance to eat out at a nearby restaurant  (“There’s really no Korean food in New Zealand?” “Obviously not, Jjong – and even if they did, I doubt it would be in Auckland.”) and buy a few souvenirs to take back with them.  

 

Minho wasn’t surprised by the people who ogled at them as they went through the shopping square, but he was surprised when a few fans asked them for their autographs. 

 

Jinki obliged, but he looked even more bewildered than Minho did at the girls who recognized them.  

 

Taemin was too busy getting dragged everywhere by Kibum and Jonghyun to know what had transpired.

 

But when they all came back to their rendezvous spot a few hours later, he begged for a play-by-play later of the reactions they got walking around. 

 

“Where did Jonghyunnie and Kibummie go, anyway?”  Jinki finally asked, mirroring Minho’s thoughts ever since Taemin came back from exploring alone.  “I thought they went off with you.” 

 

“They said they were going back to the hotel to drop off their bags.”  Taemin tilted his head to one side, as if deep in thought. “And I got hungry, so that’s why I came back here…” 

 

“We should probably go get dinner with Manager, then.”  Jinki watched Taemin pull at the tallest boy’s sleeve, beaming.  

 

“What do you want, Minho? You look tired, so I’ll go with Taemin-ah and order for you.”  

 

He  **was** tired – as being out for six afternoons straight was naught to make anyone – so he told them he’d have whatever Taemin wanted and headed back to the hotel on his own.  

 

But when he came back, he found the door connecting his room (shared with Taemin and Jinki) with Jonghyun’s and Kibum’s open.  

 

Strange.  

 

Didn’t they just stop off to drop off their bags? 

 

His curiosity got the better of him, though, and he decided to take a peek to see whether they fell asleep accidentally when they came back.  

 

With just a slight push, the door swung far enough for him to see through and neither of the two noticed the widening gap. 

 

It turned out they  were  lying down in bed – but they weren’t asleep. 

 

Flopped over Kibum’s lap and flipping lazily through a catalogue, Jonghyun looked quite content to close his eyes and fall asleep there.  

 

Kibum appeared just as listless, one hand holding his magazine and the other preoccupied with fixing Jonghyun’s messy bangs.  

 

“I’m boooooored.”  It was clear they hadn’t just been sitting there for a few minutes now.  Jonghyun shifted on his makeshift pillow, peering at the younger boy with a small pout.  “When are the others getting back, you think?” 

 

“Taeminnie said he’d cover us for as long as it took to get dinner,” Kibum sighed, finally placing his magazine on the dresser beside them, “so you figure it out.”  

 

_ Oh, so that was why.  _

 

“So we’ll be all by ourselves for another…mmm, give or take, ten minutes?”  Jonghyun grinned, reaching up to run his thumb across Kibum’s upturned lips in a way that made Minho swallow hard for some reason.   “—That’s more than enough time for us.” 

 

“I’m pretty sure the game’s called ‘ _ Seven _ Minutes in Heaven,’ Jjong.”  Minho had never heard Kibum call the older boy by his nickname with such endearment.   “Not ‘Ten Minutes In Heaven’.” 

 

“Well, the more the merrier, right?” Jonghyun scrambled upright, obscuring both their faces from Minho’s view. He could hear them both laughing quietly to themselves, though.  “I know, I know…that’s for talking about company, right…?” 

 

Just as their faces drew impossibly close, he heard the keycard rattling in the door to his right.  

 

Minho hastily drew away from the doorframe just in time for Jinki and Taemin to come in carrying two shopping bags each. 

 

“I brought chicken!”  

 

Seeing Minho’s wide-eyed gaze, Jinki stepped back and nearly stepped on poor Taemin’s toes.   

 

“Minho? What’s wrong?” 

 

“Nothing.”  Minho did his best to smile, but he knew it was forced.  “I was just surprised you guys came back so fast.” 

 

“We just went across the street.  Anyway—Taemin, you can go take a bath like you wanted to.”  Jinki turned to Taemin, switching to protective parent mode faster than Minho could blink.  “I’ll reheat the food for you.” 

 

Taemin skittered off without protest (but Minho caught his gaze and saw the maknae knew  **exactly** what had transpired), leaving the rapper and the leader to set the small table-desk for dinner.  

 

Minho spent almost a minute keeping his nervousness at bay.

 

But when he heard the television switch on, he looked up and found himself caught by the knowing look in the leader’s eyes. 

 

“So I’m guessing,” Jinki chuckled, all at once washing the tension out of in Minho’s sweating palms, “you saw them, huh? Jonghyunnie and Kibummie.”  

 

Minho swallowed, not sure how to answer.

 

Jinki didn’t wait for one.

 

“Were you disgusted?”  Jinki’s laugh – and slight pat to his shoulders on the approach – was affectionate. 

 

He wasn’t, of course.  

 

Surprised, but not disgusted.  

 

They were his band mates, after all, and his friends.  

 

Minho opened his still-dry mouth, a thousand questions on the tip of his tongue.  

 

He settled for the easiest one. 

 

“How long have you known about it, hyung?” 

 

“Since our trainee days.”   Jinki walked away from him to focus on setting down their food.  He laid out the last of the plastic utensils and the forks, motioning for Minho to help him pull the desk over to the beds so they could sit and eat.  

 

“Jonghyunnie...he’s never been particularly good at keeping secrets.  And Kibum…” There was a quiet melancholy to the way he spoke the younger man’s name, but Minho didn’t want to think too hard about it.   “Well, Kibummie’s more subtle, but he’s also a terrible liar.” 

 

“His eyes always give it away,” Minho agreed, moving a part of his takeout container over to make space for Jinki’s.  

 

“I guess…I guess I kind of knew back then, too. I mean, they were always—” 

 

“—‘Always together,’ right?”  They both laughed, remembering the rumors that floated around about them among the other trainees.   “I’ll admit, I was a little jealous of them at first. They were so comfortable with each other…” Jinki shook his head.  “It made me feel like I was the third wheel sometimes.” 

 

“What about now?”  Jinki’s eyebrows disappeared behind dark bangs, but Minho continued.   “Do you still feel that way now?” 

 

They heard a tiny squeak followed by the sound of something clattering in the bathtub.  

 

Minho was on his feet and walking to the bathroom door even before Jinki could put his drumstick down.  

 

“Taemin-ah!”  Minho called over the sound of running water.  “You okay?” 

 

“I dropped the soap!”  From the sound of his voice, Taemin didn’t sound like he was in pain.  Minho sighed in relief. “I’m okay, but I think the soap’s cracked!” 

 

“We can buy new soap, Taeminnie!”  Jinki yelled with a mouthful of chicken.  “We can’t buy another you, though!” 

 

It was quiet for the rest of the meal, though, the both of them watching television and eating their shares.  

 

Minho figured Jinki had forgotten about their conversation entirely until the leader turned to him and cleared his throat.  

 

“Just so there aren’t any more secrets between us,” Jinki intoned, “I asked Kibum how he felt about Jonghyun right before we debuted.  He told me Jonghyun was the only person he knew he could trust.” 

 

“And that was pretty much,” Minho knew he didn’t really need to ask, “all you needed to hear, right?”  

 

“Exactly.”  Jinki smiled that indulgent smile of his.   “I already knew that Jonghyun thought the world of him.  And as long as they’re happy, that’s good enough for me.”  

 

Happiness.  

 

Minho thought back for a moment to the conversation he had with Jaejoong that time and what he came to realize, then.  

 

The nature of happiness, the meaning of happiness – it was different for every person, wasn’t it? 

 

For Jonghyun and Kibum, they found it with each other.  

 

For Jinki, he found it knowing that his loved ones were happy.  

 

Minho... hadn’t found his reason yet. 

 

But he knew he was happy now, and maybe that was really all that mattered. 

 

“ _ Hyung _ !”  A pair of arms wrapped around him suddenly – Taemin, he realized, from the thin press of freshly-washed cotton against his back and the light scent of soap detectable in the air now – and reached over his shoulder to take his container of food.  “You forgot to heat up my food like you said you would!” 

 

“You’re out of the shower now.”  Minho handed off a fork to him for good measure, slapping the maknae’s bottom lightly to spur him on.  (Taemin squeaked but went, anyway.) “Go do it yourself.” 

 

“Fine.”  Taemin frowned, and then turned back to Minho.  “But only if you share the bed with me tonight, ‘kay? Jinki-hyung rolls around too much.”  As if in mild protest, Jinki flailed at the youngest two from his suitcase, where he was fishing out his pajamas to take with him into the bathroom.  “And he snores, too.” 

 

“Ohh. So that’s the noise I heard last night at 3 AM that woke me up.”  Minho grinned. “I thought it was an elephant.” 

 

Taemin fell over the bed doubled over in laughter – and Jinki mumbled something as he went into the shower about “ungrateful dongsaengs” – but Minho didn’t really mean anything by it.  

 

He just enjoyed making Taemin laugh, to see that unrestrained and childlike side of Taemin every once in awhile, and being able to laugh with him. 

 

(But the one thing Minho liked the very most was keeping his promise to Taemin and getting to sleep curled up beside the smaller boy, toes pressed together and hands clasped tight, as they both drifted off to sleep and feeling like all the happiness in the world was right at their fingertips.)

 


	8. 모든게 아름다워, 난 너무 행복한걸. [ Everything is so beautiful, I’m so happy. ]

 

 

“Okay, half-hour’s up.”   Kibum gave Taemin a light shove with his foot from the other end of the couch, effectively interrupting the maknae from his game.  “Go get a towel and clean up the tub. I’ll be in there to help you wash off the hair dye in a minute.”

 

“Yes,  _ Mom _ .”  Taemin groaned and passed his PSP off to Minho, adjusting the burgundy-stained shower cap further up onto his forehead as he stood.  

 

“If you beat the level before I get back, make sure you save the game for me?” 

 

“Sure thing.”  Minho waved Taemin on, duly pressing button combinations to fend off the monsters invading his screen.  “See you when you get back.”

 

Taemin flashed a dazzling smile, tongue caught between his teeth in an unspoken show of self-consciousness.  “Mmm, ‘kay…I hope it came out okay…”

 

“You’re the one who said you wanted it!”  Kibum cried, shooing the younger boy out of the living area.  “Now go, goooo~…”

 

Taemin  **did** insist on getting a new look for his lengthening hair, after all.  

 

Minho remembered when it all started, too: about a week ago, just after Kibum came back from the hair salon with a mop of blond hair and tried to explain himself (“We’re having our comeback soon, so I figure we should come back with something a little more different, too.”) 

 

Taemin couldn’t stop talking about how good it looked on him for the rest of the evening, so Kibum offered to help Taemin if he told him what color he wanted.   

 

Minho ended up helping him decide, and Taemin decided on a deep shade of reddish-brown.

 

Apparently, as he told Kibum later, he chose the color because Minho said it would look good on him.

 

“ Honestly .”  Kibum sighed, scooting closer to Minho and slumping into the seat where Taemin was before.  “Are kids supposed to wear you out like this? I don’t think I ever want to have kids if taking care of them works like this.”

 

“Well, unless you and Jonghyun-hyung are planning on adopting,” quipped a grinning Minho, done with the level and saving the game, “I don’t think you’ll have to worry too much, right?”

 

Kibum threw his head forward and fell back against Minho’s shoulder in laughter hearing that much. 

 

“AHAHAHA— _ seriously _ !?  Like we’d even consider it!”  

 

He seemed like he was laughing more to himself than at Minho’s joke now, features slowly growing sober.  

 

“Ahh…that was funny…”

 

It had been awhile since they had sat like this, Minho mused, just him and Kibum. 

 

Out of all of the members, Kibum was the closest to him in age, and they had a sort of kinship that was unlike anything else Minho had ever known. 

 

It wasn’t just because of their shared lifestyle, either.  

 

He knew that Kibum was as much of a forthright realist as Minho was a quiet idealist.  

 

But as different as they were, they were both mature enough to know their limits, and maybe that was why they had always gotten along. 

 

“Yah.” Sprawled out on the couch with golden curls mussed against his high cheekbones, Kibum looked less tired than he did resigned.  “I’m gonna get up now and wash off Taeminnnie’s hair, but I’ve been meaning to ask you.” 

 

He suddenly sat upright, grabbing Minho’s hands and (much to the taller boy’s chagrin) met Minho’s discomfited stare until their noses were almost touching.  

 

“You’re not hiding anything from me, are you?”

 

_ There…has to be a good reason for why he’s bringing this up.  _

 

“D-Didn’t you say you’d be washing Taeminnie’s hair?”  Minho tried to move from his reclined position to no avail; Kibum held his wrists down to the sofa, a determined flare to his eyes.  “And aren’t you worried about what Jonghyun-hyung would say if he came home now and saw us like this?”

 

“He’s not that insecure about us.”  Kibum shook the bangs out of his eyes, lips pursed.  “And don’t you DARE try to change the subject on me. I’m gonna get this out of you if it’s the last thing I do.”

 

“ **Kibum** .”  Minho growled, obviously disgruntled.  “Just spit it out already – whatever you’re trying to say here – so we can save each other the hassle later?”

 

“Do you,” breathed Kibum, voice level and gaze frighteningly serious, “or do you not have the world’s biggest crush on my son?”

 

For a moment, Minho was sure the world had stopped turning.

 

“What—?”  Minho blinked fast, not expecting it to alleviate his spinning thoughts (or Kibum’s grave expression, for that matter).  “Why are you asking me this…?”

 

As quickly as their foreheads were pressed together before, Kibum pulled his face away, letting the cooling air settle between them once more.

 

“I was just asking.”  Kibum smirked as he stood, tossing the pillow that had been perched in his lap at Minho.  “But your reaction already said enough, so I’m done here.”

 

Once Kibum left, Minho rubbed at his burning cheeks and thought long and hard about Kibum’s question.  

 

He knew he didn’t mishear anything that was said.  

 

But he still didn’t know where Kibum had gotten the idea that he had romantic feelings for Taemin.

 

_ —Wait.   _

 

 ** _Do_** _I like Taemin like that?_

 

_ Or…? _

 

He sat on the couch for a while, going over all the possibilities for where and when Kibum figured it out (if he figured out anything at all, Minho reminded himself, eyelids squeezed shut). 

 

Taemin had been his friend since before they debuted. 

 

From the start, he had felt like Taemin was something like his better half.  

 

He was lively and always willing to please, and his dancing and drive was unparalleled for someone his age.  

 

And Taemin knew how to act cute in front of the crowd and still retain his mature spirit when the cameras were off. 

 

He wasn’t bad-looking, either, a soft and warm crinkle to those dark and pretty eyes whenever he smiled and a slender build that would make even females jealous.  

 

His bright and pure spirit was even more attractive, though, with the way he would fight for the people he cared about no matter what the cost and put others before himself no matter what the situation.  

 

And Minho enjoyed being with him, besides.

 

_ But if I liked him…then wouldn’t I know?   _

 

_ Wouldn’t I figure it out faster than anyone else would?   _

 

_ I mean, it’s my own feelings, after all… _

 

“Hyung!  Hyung, look at how it came out!”  Taemin’s excited voice floated down the hallway, frantic footfalls coming straight toward the living room.  “Key-umma did an awesome job with the color…!”

 

As soon as Minho turned to look, that was when he felt it. 

 

It was just like the moment they met (when they were only hopeful, struggling trainees, so terribly unaware of what the future had in store for them), where Minho couldn’t tear his eyes away from that first smile.  

 

Just like back then, Taemin’s smile was bright as he skipped over to Minho’s side, damp auburn tresses framing his cherub-like face and a brilliant smile set into full lips.   

 

Just like back then, he sat down next to Minho like it was the most natural thing in the world.

 

But now, their legs were touching and Taemin’s fingertips rested lightly on Minho’s arm, lightly pinching the firm skin of his elbow—

 

—And  **boy** , was it starting to hurt now.  

 

Minho winced, straightening up immediately when he realized Taemin was glowering.

 

“What’s with the blank look?”  Taemin pouted a bit, glancing down for a moment and appearing quite disappointed.  “You don’t…you don’t think it came out good, hyung?”

 

“Are you kidding?”  Minho reached out to ruffle the crown of Taemin’s hair, making the maknae scrunch up his nose but lean into his touch, nonetheless.  “I was so shocked I didn’t know what to say, that’s all…"

 

"...It looks great on you, Taemin-ah.”  He watched as Taemin started, meeting his softened gaze with an owlish stare. “Actually, it looks better than great.”  

 

Then, in a hushed murmur:

 

“You look...beautiful.”

 

Taemin smiled even wider now, cheeks rosy as he wriggled his toes and fidgeted restlessly in his seat. 

 

Minho had never seen Taemin look so happy before, and seeing him like that made him smile, too, as he pulled Taemin into a tight one-armed hug. 

 

“Hyuuuuuuuuung.”  Taemin drew his knees up to his chin in an attempt to hide his still-red cheeks.  “You’re so cheesy!”

 

Minho didn’t answer, poking at the maknae’s sides until he squealed and sent them both tumbling onto the floor in a breathless heap of giggles and bubbling warmth.  

 

That is, until they saw a shadow hovering over them and a stern voice spoke above their laughter:

 

“YAH! Choi Minho!”  Kibum scowled, one hand on his hip as he motioned with the other.   “You’re up next for a hair dying, in case you forgot. Quit fooling around and meet me in the kitchen, pronto.”

 

“Better go before Key-umma pitches another fit.”  Taemin whispered, scrambling to his feet with Minho and offering a sheepish grin to Kibum.  “See you when you get back?”

 

“Yeah,” Minho grinned, ruffling Taemin’s new red hair one last time before following Kibum into the kitchen.  “See you when I get back.” 

 

But he knew it then, without a doubt:

 

Something stirred inside of him the moment he saw Taemin, just like when they first met.  

 

He couldn’t be sure if it was love or brotherly affection, but now he knew for sure that it wasn’t his imagination. 

 

(Now the only thing left for him to do was figure out what it was – before it started to affect their friendship.)

 


	9. 그대의 그 미소를 간직할 수 있어 다행이죠. [ I’m grateful that I can cherish your smile. ]

 

 

As soon as SHINee filed into the studio where their new music video would be filmed, Kibum gasped and shoved past Jonghyun to run to the girl sitting with a few listless staff members.

 

“ **You!** ” The blond screamed, flailing his arms wildly and making the unnamed girl wearing a pretty knee-length white dress flinch. “I know you! You’re—”

 

“Yes,” the girl laughed, covering her mouth a bit as she did. “I’m Jessica’s sister. Key-sshi, right?” Her voice was soft, but she looked at Kibum through dark lashes. “Unnie talks about you a lot.” 

 

When the other members finally caught up to Kibum, they all took turns introduced themselves. 

 

Minho could barely remember to do a ninety-degree bow and tell her his name. 

 

He was too busy staring at her face and wondering why something about Jung Soojung felt so familiar, even though they had never met before.

 

Of course, he could see Soojung’s resemblance to Jessica immediately. 

 

He could see it clearly, from the charming twinkle to those pretty eyes and the waiflike quality of her slender frame. 

 

They were about the same height, too, even though Jessica was a few years older. 

 

But there was a different quality to her smile, something decidedly more friendly and childlike about Soojung that made it hard for Minho to stop staring. 

 

They had a scene together as a couple, too. 

 

It was surprisingly easy for Minho (much more so than to pretend to slip into a crowd of extra actors and actresses that he barely had any interaction with) to become Romeo for that part of the MV, slowly removing his mask and keeping his gaze focused on hers. 

 

Soojung barely moved her mask away from her face when the director shouted for them to stop, claiming that her manager told them to keep her face hidden from the public – for now.

 

“Are you going to debut soon?” Minho figured that was the reason why, judging from the understanding nod Soojung gave when she heard that. 

 

“It’s sort of up in the air right now, but yes. I’ll probably end up in a group.” 

 

Her eyes were sad when she shifted on her high heels, and at that moment she looked more like her age than ever. 

 

“I’m sure they’ll be expecting a lot from me, too…since I’m Jessica’s sister and all.” 

 

Minho glanced around him briefly (a nervous habit; cameras were everywhere, but thankfully none of them were on them) and reached out to give her small shoulders a quick squeeze. 

 

Soojung started, blinking fast. 

 

“You’ll be fine. Fame won’t get to your head and make you forget what you came to SM for.” Minho smiled, watching the girl’s expression change from troubled to thankful. “I believe that, so try to believe in yourself a little bit more, too.”

 

“…Thanks, oppa.” Her childish grin returned in full force, sheepish and altogether charming. “I’ll try to remember that.”

 

The members went off to another area to film the dance shots. 

 

Once Minho was done, he sat down in the break area alone with his muddled thoughts until Jonghyun ran in with an armful of water bottles. 

 

“Hey.” The lead singer grinned, tossing the rapper one of the bottles. He didn’t catch it in time, though, and Jonghyun sat down next to Minho with an uncharacteristic frown on his face. 

 

“You’re really off today. Something bothering you?”

 

“I guess things must be different for girl trainees.” Jonghyun lifted one brow, inquisitive, waiting for Minho to explain himself. “I mean, were we like that before we debuted?” Minho tucked his chin under his palm, pensive. “Were we as nervous as Soojung-ah?”

 

“Minho, she’s Jessica’s sister.” Jonghyun said matter-of-factly, taking a huge swig of water. “She’s probably extra nervous just because of that.”

 

“Maybe I’m just thinking too much.” Minho shook his head, untwisting the cap of his bottle. “I don’t know.  She just seemed  **too** tense…” 

 

Out of nowhere, he heard Jonghyun snort and watched as the brunet doubled over in laughter. 

 

The younger one sent a sharp glare, affronted. 

 

“What’s so funny?” Minho grumbled. “I’m just worried like any normal big brother figure would b—”

 

“Seriously,” Jonghyun wheezed at last, still snickering, “Y’know what I think?  I think she likes you! Taeminnie talked to her while you were doing your solo shoot…and she kept saying you reminded her of a ‘prince’…” 

 

He trailed off, starting to laugh even harder. 

 

“Ohhhh jeez, if this girl debuts…we’re gonna have a scandal! Our first scandal!”

 

“That’s not funny,” Minho finally snapped, slamming his water bottle down on the empty chair between them.  “Hyung—!”

 

The action only served to make Jonghyun start howling, though. 

 

“ _ Look _ , I don’t even think of her like that. She’s just my dongsaeng, nothing else! And what’s the big deal about me being friendly with a labelmate?” 

 

Jonghyun’s laughter subsided all too quickly hearing that. 

 

He sat upright, cheeks puffed out as if he was an indignant blowfish. 

 

“I don’t know. But Kibummie thinks it’s a big deal.” Jonghyun balled his hands into fists, pretending to swing at Minho’s arm. “He was ready to sock you one while you were doing the couple scene! Said you looked waaaaaaaaay too into it.” A flash of pearly whites later, Jonghyun slumped back into his chair. “I just said you were on Flaming Charisma mode, but he didn’t believe me.”

 

A beat. 

 

After a taut silence that followed, Minho dropped his face in his hands, letting out a muffled groan. 

 

“So he thinks I was  _ flirting  _ with her?” Minho’s feet kicked around for a bit, a show of his exasperation. “Just because I was trying to take this shooting seriously?”

 

“It’s okay,” a new voice piped up, softly but audible enough to make Minho and Jonghyun jump a few inches into the air. “I believe you, hyung. I know you weren’t flirting with her.”

 

Jonghyun opened and shut his mouth uselessly, unable to form a cohesive sentence.

 

“Where the hell did you— H-How long were you standing ther— were you there the whole  **ti** —?”

 

“Thank  _ God _ ,” Minho sighed, making space for Taemin to share a seat with him. “At least there’s somebody here that isn’t being irrational about this.”

 

Taemin beamed, taking a place on Minho’s lap instead. 

 

“Umma’s probably just being overprotective again.” Minho froze, not sure how to take that remark. “We’re both like kids to him, and he’d hate it if anyone related to Jessica-noona stole one of his kids’ attention.”

 

“…I guess so.”   _ For a second, I thought Kibum dropped a few hints he shouldn’t have _ , Minho thought with an inward sigh of relief. “What did you think of her, though?”

 

“Soojung-ah’s really sweet. She’s really polite and she’s pretty, too.” Taemin enthused, waving his hands about. “I bet she’ll steal lots of hearts when she debuts. She’s younger than me, so I bet she’ll end up being the maknae!” 

 

“Just like you,” Minho murmured, absently ruffling Taemin’s hair and marveling at the feel of it. “You’re our maknae…and you’re cute too.”

 

A clatter _ thump _ to their left made both boys start. 

 

It was Jonghyun, standing next to his now fallen chair and one finger raised in an accusatory position.

 

“Holy  **shit** .” Jonghyun gaped, finger still pointed at the two youngest members. “I thought Kibum was just being paranoid, but you guys really do act like a couple!” Then, crossing his arms over his chest: “You’re not hiding anything from me, are you?”

 

Minho opened his mouth before Taemin could move from his place on the older boy’s lap. 

 

“O-Of course we’re not—” 

 

Jinki peered into the break room, waving to the trio of boys floundering over awkward silences. 

 

“Taeminnie! It’s your turn to do a solo shoot, and Director-hyung’s getting anxious.” Smiling that kindly smile, Jinki seemed to read the atmosphere as it lightened. “Whatever you guys were talking about, it can wait at least five or ten minutes, right?”

 

“Sure thing,” Jonghyun said, adding a little wave. “I’m done talking to Taeminnie, anyway.”

 

The maknae left them without another word (though not without sending Minho an apologetic look, a look that Minho was more than able to discern) and Minho knelt down to help Jonghyun pick up his fallen chair. 

 

“It’s okay, I got it.” Jonghyun sent Minho a sheepish grin as he sat back down next to Minho. “I’m...sorry I asked that, though. I didn’t know it was a sore spot for you.”

 

“It’s not.” Minho bit his lower lip and lowered his gaze, hoping Jonghyun wouldn’t sense his unease. “I just never mentioned the couple thing.  Around him, anyway.” 

 

_ I was kind of hoping I could bring it up while we were by ourselves _ .

 

The sentiment went unsaid, but Minho didn’t try to mask it. 

 

“Well.” Jonghyun shifted uncomfortably in his seat, looking as uncomfortable as Minho felt. “If it helps, Kibum and I were the same way. Y’know.” Clearing his throat awkwardly. “Since we were kinda…dancing around the whole are-we-actually-officially-a-couple subject.” 

 

Minho let out a light bark of laughter, leaning back in his chair. 

 

“I’m not really trying to avoid it, though.” The taller boy folded his hands in his lap, the lingering warmth from another smaller body still emanating from his thighs. “It’s more like—” 

 

“You know how when we first debuted, we were all shaking so bad before that first performance?” Jonghyun nodded. “It’s.  It’s kind of like that. I guess…? I don’t know what I’m trying to say here, but…” 

 

“You’re scared.” Minho flinched at Jonghyun’s accusation, not expecting to see the older boy smiling at him, much like Kibum when they had a similar conversation a few weeks back. “You’re scared as hell.  That he won’t like you back.”

 

“I guess.” Shaking his head, Minho exhaled sharply. “I don’t know anymore, honestly.”

 

“Well, I do.” Minho opened his mouth, about to tell Jonghyun to shut up—but then shut it just as quickly, a tiny voice in his heart telling him to stay quiet and listen. “You want to go for it. You want to be a man and just do it, but…it’s weird. Not ‘cause you’re both guys, but ‘cause you don’t want to lose a good friend.” 

 

A pink tongue poked out from between his parted lips, quickly giving way to a toothy grin. 

 

“That’s what you were trying to say, right?”

 

There was a stunned silence for almost fifteen seconds before Minho at last remembered how to speak. 

 

But he should have known. 

 

Jonghyun had doglike senses, after all. 

 

And nothing was stronger than the lead singer’s sense of smell except for his sense of intuition. 

 

That was what set him apart from the rest of the members to Minho – what set their friendship apart from the friendship he had with the other members. 

 

Jonghyun really was like his older brother, offering the best advice he could and willing to admit when he was wrong only when he realized it himself.

 

(He and Kibum approached life and love so similarly, Minho knew. 

 

That was probably made him and Kibum so close in the first place.)

 

“…You know what?” The lead singer perked up (just like a puppy waiting to hear its master’s praise), waiting on the rest of the rapper’s reaction. “I’m sorry, but…you really talk way too much, hyung.” He chuckled, watching as Jonghyun immediately wilted. “Just saying.”

 

“Hey, I think I gave you some good advice!” Jonghyun was laughing too, though, shoving at Minho’s arm and trying to knock him off his chair. “Aishhh, ungrateful little brat…!”

 

“Says the guy that’s two heads shorter than me.” 

 

He had to duck Jonghyun’s next punch, barely able to get out of the way in time before Jonghyun started chasing him. 

 

Soon enough, they were both chasing after each other, moving around the tables and knocking over chairs in the break area and exchanging playful banter until the other three finally came back from their solo shoots.

 

“You guys made up now?” Jinki chimed, regarding Minho and Jonghyun’s flushed and sweaty faces from their new places leaning against the wall. “You look like you did.”

 

“You look like you ran a marathon!” Kibum stomped over to his bag to fish out a small tissue packet, handing it to the winded pair. “What were you doing in here – practicing for the Olympics next year?” 

 

“Just letting all our stress out, that’s all.” Minho watched as Taemin came right to his side, plopping down on the floor next to him. “'Juliette' can stress you out, but we should be okay now.”

 

(And just like every time Minho saw it, all it took was Taemin’s smile to reenergize his senses – to reaffirm his faith that  _ forever  _ was inside those soft and pretty downturned eyes – and bring all the world’s possibilities back into his heart.) 

  
  



	10. 그대 꿈결처럼 날 꼭 안아주죠. [ You always hold me tightly, as if in a dream. ]

Minho spent the entire time backstage catching up with the other groups and artists at Dream Concert.

 

He spent nearly fifteen minutes with Eunhyuk and Donghae (and the rest of Super Junior) talking about everything from variety shows to restaurant recommendations to the latest rumors surrounding their fellow labelmates. 

 

As always, his hyung-deul were impossibly receiving, ruffling his hair and treating him like he was their long-lost member or their obedient little brother.

 

Minho loved to spend time with them, but eventually he had to say goodbye. 

 

There was only so much time he had left to kill. 

 

He spent a few minutes with Nicole and her fellow KARA members (along with Sunyoung and Jinki, who were sharing stories about their trainee days in a little corner, laughing together like it was the most natural thing in the world).

 

He spent another few precious minutes dodging Jonghyun’s interruptions and Kibum’s smart remarks about him “fraternizing with the enemy.”

 

But it was all in good fun (Kibum thought of Nicole like the sister he always wanted, and Jonghyun tolerated her because she was Kibum’s friend) and beside that, Minho always rather liked Nicole. 

 

She was as petite as she was plucky. They were around the same age, too. 

 

Best of all, he could even talk to her about sports – because she was something of a tomboy despite her cute image – and her opinions about the players and the eventual outcome of future games usually mirrored his own.

 

Minho loved to talk with her, but eventually he had to say goodbye to her, too. 

 

There was only so much time on his hands.

 

He finally finished talking to 2PM (Nickhun stuck to him like glue the entire time, just like the hour-and-a-half spent after the end of filming that “Idol Army” episode, chatting over shared snacks and a slew of private jokes) when a firm pat at his shoulder made him turn to see a very familiar face.

 

“Soojung-ah.” Minho smiled, taking the young girl’s outstretched hand and giving it a warm shake. “Or should I say…Krystal?”

 

“Either name works for me.” Soojung smiled right back, those pretty downturned eyes squeezed into mirthful half-moons. “How are you, Minho-oppa?”

 

“I’m fine – but shouldn’t I be asking you that?” He ignored Taecyeon’s catcalls and Chansung’s playful wolf-whistles in favor of Soojung’s soft tittering. “How’s f(x) treating you?”

 

“They’re all really nice to me.” Soojung seemed like she really meant it, a touch of sheepish affection evident in her tone. “They’re all my unnie-deul, too. I feel like I got really lucky.” 

 

“You are.” Minho ruffled her hair a bit, making the girl wrinkle her nose in obvious disapproval and making him chuckle. “Who’s your favorite, though?”

 

Just as Soojung opened her mouth to answer him, a blur of black and silver ran headlong into the girl, nearly knocking her off her feet. 

 

Minho barely had a chance to move in to help when the form that suddenly appeared disentangled itself from Soojung and revealed itself.

 

“I’m Soojungie’s favorite,” Jinri announced, feather-light voice raised loud enough for the other two to hear. “That’s what you were going to say, right?” 

 

“ _ Unnie _ !” Soojung gave a soft whine, looking uncharacteristically disgruntled. “You’re being embarrassing!”

 

“I’ll stop being embarrassing if you tell me the truth, Soojungie.” Jinri’s eyes seemed to glow when she looked at Minho, the faintest sparkle visible in them as she spoke the other girl’s name. “Am I your favorite unnie or is there someone else?” 

 

Soojung wrung her slender hands nervously until Jinri took hold of them tightly, swinging their entwined fists from side to side. 

 

It was an oddly charming sight to behold, seeing the second-youngest in f(x) meeting the maknae’s awkward stare with an obviously doting look. 

 

It reassured Minho to see his dongsaeng being taken care of so well by Jinri, who he heard from Kibum was a very mature young lady despite her youthful presence.

 

It made him even more reassured to see Jinri poking Soojung’s stomach and making her break into a fit of giggles, pressing soft smiles into the crown of Soojung’s hair that mirrored the younger girl’s. 

 

“Of  _ course  _ you’re my favorite, unnie.” Soojung said at length, breathless trill unable to disguise the happiness in her voice. “And that’s the truth.”

 

“See?” Minho watched as Jinri hugged Soojung close to her chest – making the tiny girl squeal and trip over her own two left feet – sticking her tongue out at the boy. “She’s my special dongsaeng. Not yours.”

 

“It’s okay,” Minho chuckled, making Jinri and Soojung blink in bewilderment, “I already have my own. I won’t take her away from you, I promise.”

 

He left the two girls soon afterward to head to the other waiting area, where he found Taemin sitting alone with a myriad of folded paper cranes on the table in front of him and a magazine with pages missing (Taemin apparently took it upon himself to use it for his paper crafts) lying in his lap.

 

As soon as Minho came closer, Taemin perked up and made room on the bench for him.

 

“What’s this supposed to be?” Minho fiddled with the crooked end of a paper crane’s wing. 

 

“That one’s supposed to be Jinki-hyung,” Taemin chirruped, impossibly cheerful in spite of his tired eyes. “His wings are crooked, but he can still fly.”

 

Minho knew why Taemin’s eyes were like that. 

 

He hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, either, too wound-up about their performance today.

 

“Then I’m guessing,” Minho couldn’t help but smile when he saw a little pink paper crane with what looked like long tail feathers propped up against an even smaller green one made with sparkling paper, “these two are Kibum and Jonghyun-hyung.” 

 

“Yep.” Taemin patted Kibum-crane’s ‘beak’ and nudged Jonghyun-crane closer to him. “They come as a pair. Can’t have one without the other.”

 

“Just like the real things,” Minho snorted, shaking his head—until his eyes fell upon the biggest crane of the bunch, blue and with its ‘neck’ stretched out to face heavenward. “What about this one?”

 

Taemin stopped playing with the JongKey cranes and grinned when he saw what Minho was referring to, brushing thick red-brown bangs away from his eyes.

 

“Hyung, guess what? This one’s you!” Taemin scooted even closer to the older boy, picking up the big blue crane and handing it off to him. “I took lots of time making that one. Could you tell?”

 

Of course he could. 

 

After all, it really  **did** look like a lot of time was spent on making his crane – and beside that, Taemin wasn’t the type to do anything halfway. 

 

Every fold and crease was precise, and there were even eyes and featherlike lines drawn on its ‘wings’. 

 

Minho rolled it around in his palm carefully, eyes wide and marveling over Taemin’s creation.

 

“You really did a great job with this.” Minho watched Taemin’s expectant visage at once shift to one of pure relief at hearing the compliment. “But what about your crane?”

 

“I didn’t make it yet.” Taemin murmured as he laid his head on Minho’s shoulder, looking up at him through those pretty downturned eyes with a soft smile. “I was kind of hoping you could help me.” 

 

Minho threw his head back and laughed, reaching over Taemin to rip out a multicolored page from their makeshift paper supply. 

 

“Sure.” Minho shifted his weight to lean comfortably against the maknae, already starting to fold out the basic shape. 

 

“You want one as big as the crane you made of me?”

 

“…Definitely!” Taemin beamed, suddenly looking much more alert and awake. “That’s a great idea~ I mean, it’ll make our cranes look like they belong together—and we can make them similar colors and everything…!” 

 

They only had another fifteen minutes or so until they would get called out to the main backstage area to wait on standby. 

 

Minho knew that. 

 

He knew Taemin did, too.

 

But they both loved to indulge in these simple, everyday pleasures. 

 

It helped, to sit around and pass the time by quietly, to sit around and let themselves be restless, bored, ordinary boys. 

 

It helped, to be able to feel like they didn’t have to spend every waking moment living up to everyone else’s expectations. 

 

And Minho always felt the pull of it strongest whenever it was just the two of them.

 

(He felt completely and utterly content with Taemin—like they had all the time in the world to waste and he would still feel at peace with the thought of  _ forever _ —and he only hoped Taemin felt the same way about him.)


	11. 외로운 세상에 난 또 내 소원을 담아요. [ I fill this lonely world with my wishes. ]

“You two seriously don’t have any schedules for today?” Minho piped up from the kitchen, peering over the counter to see Jonghyun curled up on the couch with Kibum perched comfortably in his lap. 

 

“I mean.”  Jonghyun peered over his shoulder at Minho, lethargic.  “We’re done with promotional activities for now, so—”

 

“We’re sick. Manager already gave us permission, don’t worry. We vouched for you, too.” Kibum explained with a wave of his hand, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “And anyway, I think we all deserve a day of rest.” Looking at Jonghyun. “Don’t we?”

 

Jonghyun made a noncommittal noise of assent, massaging the long slope of Kibum’s neckline, making the taller boy sigh and lean into his touch. 

 

Minho ignored them, rolling his eyes at the couple’s open display of affection as he walked down the hall toward their bedrooms. 

 

He didn’t expect a pillow to the back of his head for his insolence, though.

 

“ **Don’t** think I didn’t see that, Choi Minho.” Kibum’s warning voice forced Minho to turn around, swallowing hard. “Watch yourself.  Or I might just ‘accidentally’ forget to make dinner for you tonight.”

 

“Yeeeeeees, Mom.” Minho mumbled, half-running down the hall away from them. “Promise I won’t do it again~…”

 

(He would never let them see how hard he was trying not to laugh as he walked away, either. 

 

Then again, they were probably too engrossed with each other at that point to see anything else.)

 

A part of Minho agreed with what Kibum said before, though. 

 

After all, this was their first break since they finished up “Juliette” promotions a few weeks ago. 

 

Not only that, but their promotions involved a lot more overseas visits, so their young bodies were left feeling more drained and weakened than ever these days. 

 

But that was the price that came with being an idol—a price Minho expected they would always have to pay. 

 

He slipped into the bedroom as quietly as he could, not wanting to disturb its only occupant. 

 

The lights were still off and the curtains were drawn, but there was a light breeze coming from the opened window (a suggestion made by Jinki before he left for his schedule today, so they could let out the stagnant air and keep things cool) and Minho shut his eyes briefly to bask in the cool sensation of it against his cheeks. 

 

He would have stayed like that for a little bit longer...

 

...If he didn’t hear the sound of restless movement to his right, breaking the silence.

 

“Oh.  Ohwow. S’three o’clock already?” Taemin wheezed, boyish voice slightly hoarse from sleep and sickness, as he tried to lift his weary body take a look around. “I don’t even remember falling asleep…”

 

“That usually happens when you’re home with a fever.” Minho stroked the younger one’s hair, easing him back into bed. “Here, sit back and rest your eyes for awhile.” He turned to leave. “I’ll go see if your temperature’s gone down—”

 

A small hand pulled at the back of his shirt, jerking him back.

 

“It’s okay.” Taemin’s voice shook, and Minho could hear the plaintive hitch to his tone. “I think I sweated it all out.  Besides…I really want to talk to you.” 

 

Then, in a half-whisper: 

 

“I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

That did it. 

 

Minho sat down at the foot of Taemin’s bed at once, resting his head inches from Taemin’s face so their eyes met. 

 

It wasn’t until he rubbed at Taemin’s temples that he felt the maknae settle a bit more easily into his pillow and start to smile. 

 

Minho could feel himself relax, too, just from the sight alone. 

 

“Another bad dream?” Taemin nodded. Minho sighed. “You’ve been having a lot of those lately.”

 

“I know.” For a moment, Minho felt a surge of guilt seeing Taemin’s face. He knew Taemin hated worrying almost as much as he hated to see Taemin worry. “I know, but I just can’t stop thinking about…” Hesitant. “Y-You know.”

 

“Changmin-hyung and Yunho-hyung.” The lawsuit, the break-up rumors—Minho knew exactly what Taemin was referring to. “I know. I’m worried about them, too.”

 

“But it’s not just that.” Taemin shivered, and Minho pulled his blanket back around his thin shoulders. “It’s the fact that Changmin-hyung wouldn’t tell us anything about what happened…the fact that Jaejoong-hyung and Junsu-hyung and Yoochun-hyung filed the lawsuit by themselves…” Shaking his head. “I just don’t get it. I mean—”

 

“—Yunho-hyung told you that he couldn’t see an end in sight for Dong Bang Shin Ki back then. I remember.” Minho watched Taemin bite down his lower lip, gaze lowered. “And Jaejoong-hyung told me to take good care of you.”

 

“Do you think they knew something we didn’t?” Taemin rolled over onto his back, staring up at Jonghyun’s mattress forlornly. “That maybe they were warning us not to look away when we thought something was wrong?” 

 

Minho sighed, elbows propped up on Taemin’s bed, heart heavy and thoughts in limbo.

 

“I wish I knew,” he said at length, shifting his weight so his arms could rest. “I really don’t know what it all means.” 

 

“But we’re just as much in the dark about this as everyone else.”  He reached out to ruffle the maknae’s hair briefly, eliciting a tiny but warm smile from Taemin.  “Let’s just wait and see what happens the next time the sun’s out again.”

 

There was a brief pause, an almost-silence comfortable enough to make them wish it lasted a bit long enough, but it quickly vanished the moment Taemin spoke.

 

“...I guess so.” Taemin’s lashes flickered shut – a sign he was about to fall back asleep – though not before he sent one last smile in Minho’s direction. “Thanks, hyung. Sorry I keep bothering you—”

 

“What are you talking about? You’re the one that’s sick right now. Doesn’t that mean I’m bothering  **you** ?” Minho laughed, patting the younger boy’s thigh as he stood up. “I’ll leave you alone before Kibum gives me hell about keeping you awake. Sleep tight, Taem.”

 

“’Night, hyung.” Taemin beamed (all red cheeks and sleepy but still-bright eyes) and Minho didn’t have the heart to correct him for his mistake over what time of day it was. “And thanks…again.”

 

Minho lingered at Taemin’s bedside just a bit longer after he fell asleep, though. 

 

Just a bit longer, he told himself, as light and even breathing filled the quiet space between them. 

 

Just a bit longer, he told himself, as stubby fingertips clung to the covers and the boy’s slender form nestled into his bed all the more and contentment settled into that youthful countenance. 

 

Just a bit longer, he told himself, as took a deep breath and held it—

 

(He leaned over the younger one’s prone form, hands carefully avoiding any unnecessary contact so he wouldn’t wake him—

 

A swirling mantra of anxious, fluttering thoughts kick up a dust storm in his mind all at once—

 

_ pleasedon’twakeup,pleasedon’thatemeforthis,i’msorryi’msorryi’msorryTaemin-ah _ —

 

And once he’s pressed a soft kiss to the bangs pressed damp to Taemin’s forehead—)

 

Just like that, and then it was over.

 

Minho slowly pulled away, his heart impossibly warm and his head throbbing much too fast with possibilities and regrets, waiting to see if Taemin would wake. 

 

One minute passed. 

 

Then, two.

 

Moving into three—

 

Nothing. 

 

Taemin still kept sleeping.

 

He moved then, slipping out of the bedroom just as quickly as he came in.

 

But it was too late, far too late to change his thoughts already spinning headlong down the track his heart long decided.

 

Every heaving breath he took in, he thought of Taemin’s peaceful expression. 

 

Every shuddering breath he let out, he thought of Taemin’s dark eyes and his soft smiles.

 

And with every passing second, Minho started to realize what Jaejoong had been hinting at when they were backstage at the Mirotic concert. 

 

Jaejoong wanted to be absolutely sure that Minho would take care of Taemin. 

 

That way, if something ever happened to the group like it did with Dong Bang Shin Ki, Minho would always be there for Taemin, no matter what circumstances tried to divide them. 

 

(But Minho knew that he didn’t have the courage to leave Taemin alone…

 

Because he loved Taemin too much to ever consider that a possibility.)


	12. 그대 한걸음만 다가와요.  [ Come one step closer to me. ]

 

 

When the doorbell rang that chilly late September evening, no one got up to answer it right away.

 

Then again, with their current arrangements, that was to be expected. 

 

Jonghyun lay across the sofa, feet hanging off the armrest and the other scribbling away furiously at his lyric notebook. 

 

Kibum and Jinki were in the kitchen getting out plates and utensils for dinner – which the leader took it upon himself to make for the others tonight – so they could set the table.

 

As for the two youngest members, they were busy, too. 

 

Taemin had homework to complete.

 

Minho had a term paper of his own to write, but Minho was Taemin’s personal tutor whenever group activities got in the way of attending class regularly. 

 

He didn’t mind playing that role, either – but when the doorbell rang, Minho was the first one to look up.

 

“Did Manager forget his keys again?” Taemin inquired, echoing Minho’s sentiments as to who their nighttime visitor was. “That’s the second time in two weeks!”

 

“He must be tired like us,” Jonghyun sighed, stretching his legs but obviously not intending to get up anytime soon. “Getting ready for another comeback always makes him scatterbrained.”

 

“At least he doesn’t get lazy around comeback time,” Kibum quipped, done setting the table and giving the older boy’s knee a light shove as he passed. “Unlike you.”

 

The doorbell chimed for the second time, punctuating Jonghyun’s whines of protest and Jinki’s and Taemin’s peals of laughter. 

 

Minho shook his head and slowly got up, though not before patting Taemin on the shoulder for getting the last equation they did together right.

 

“Coming,” he called out as loud as he could without being rude to their neighbors, heading straight for the front door. 

 

“Wonder if it really is Soonduk-hyung…”

 

When he looked through the peephole, though, he realized it wasn’t their manager checking in on them.

 

“Changmin-hyung! Yunho-hyung!” 

 

As soon as they heard Minho shout their sunbae-nim’s names from down the hall, four pairs of eyes went wide and a stampede of footfalls came running toward the rapper.

 

“Whoawhoa _ whoa _ **_whoa_ ** —!” Yunho barely had time to catch Taemin – who came barreling into his arms at full speed – and hold out an arm to steady the overeager trio of flailing limbs that darted past him to tackle Changmin, too. “ _ Guys _ , I’m glad to see you too, but don’t stampede us before we even get through the door!”

 

“It’s been such a long time, though!” Jinki wailed next to a sniffling Jonghyun and looking close to tears himself. “We really missed you!”

 

“Why didn’t you answer your phones?” Minho asked, moving away from Changmin so Taemin could give the other group’s maknae a hug. “We tried calling you after everything, for  _ weeks _ , b-but you didn’t pick up…”

 

“We had to change our phone numbers,” Changmin explained, exchanging forlorn glances with Yunho. “It’s. Really complicated, but…”

 

“We have time,” Kibum waved his hands, rounding the other four down the hall with him. “We were just about to sit down for dinner. You’re invited, too, whether you like it or not.” 

 

“Well,” Yunho chuckled, guiding Changmin by the waist to follow them, “if you insist…”

 

Soon enough, there were seven plates on the dining table.

 

And—as there always was, even if it was just the five of them—there was more than enough food to go around. 

 

Yunho tried to turn down the food out of courtesy, but Changmin had no reservations about digging in as soon as Minho passed the serving bowls to him. 

 

They spent a good ten minutes conversing about ‘normal’ things, like the weather and what SHINee’s upcoming group activities would be. 

 

But it was clear Taemin was getting impatient, foot nudging Minho’s ankle lightly. 

 

The older boy nodded once he finished telling Changmin about his invitation to join the cast of the upcoming season of  _ Let’s Go Dream Team _ , meeting Jinki’s gaze when the leader looked up and caught wind of what they were all anxious to discuss.

 

“...Anyway. Enough about us.” Once Kibum and Jonghyun heard Jinki’s tone grow more businesslike, they stopped clinging to Yunho’s arm all at once and sat up straight. “What about the really complicated story you said you had for us?” 

 

A taut silence followed as Yunho glanced from Taemin’s now-solemn expression to Jonghyun’s and Key’s expectant faces. 

 

Changmin stopped chewing, mouth set into a thin line as he laid his chopsticks down with a sigh.

 

“Okay.” Changmin tucked his hands under his chin, elbows propped up on the table. “First things first…how much do you know about the lawsuit?” 

 

“Everything the news reports and the rumors have been telling us.” Jinki shifted in his seat, glancing from Jonghyun to Kibum and back to Changmin. “But I’m sure that’s not all there is to it.”

 

“That’s why we came to you first,” Changmin turned to the oldest one at the table with a brief nod, “to tell you that it’s not what you think it is.”

 

That was when Yunho straightened up, handsome but tired features writ with somber reluctance.

 

“It wasn’t like they went behind our backs and did this on their own. We talked about this for days before we made a decision.” 

 

Yunho looked down at his hands, wry smile displayed on his lips. 

 

“At first, we were all set to do this together. ‘ _ Five or nothing _ ’.  that was what we agreed on…”

 

Minho started at a shuddering sigh from Changmin’s seat. 

 

Taemin held on fast the other maknae’s shoulder, looking just as concerned as Minho felt seeing this unusually strong reaction from him.

 

“But the day we planned on doing it—I don’t know, something just…clicked, I guess.” Changmin took Taemin’s hand, holding onto it as if it were the only thing keeping his lips moving. “I knew it as soon as the three of them left to go to the lawyer’s office… we didn’t stand a chance, even if all five of us filed the lawsuit.” 

 

He glanced at Yunho, who seemed just as much at a loss as Changmin did. 

 

“We were trying to do what was best for the group,” Yunho murmured.  “But we all got scared…”

 

“And now it doesn’t even make any difference,” Changmin says, “since Dong Bang Shin Ki doesn’t exist anymore—” 

 

As soon as these words left Changmin’s lips, Taemin stood up—

 

And, without warning, slapped the older man across the face.

 

“Taeminnie!” Kibum gasped, coming around the table to help Minho hold the youngest member back. “What are you—? Are you  **crazy** —?!” 

 

A flurry of movements began a series of chain reactions after the initial shock wore off: 

 

Changmin recovered all too quickly and lunged for Taemin.

 

The other boys jumped up to intervene and offer damage control. 

 

Yunho had enough trouble holding back Changmin, though, and Jonghyun came to his aid with Jinki close behind.

 

“Changmin,  **_stop_ ** !” Yunho cried, struggling to hold the taller man back. “This isn’t worth fighting over!”

 

“I know that, hyung—but this  _ brat _ needs to step down, too.” Changmin spat out. “You.  You really think  _ you  _ have the right to look down on us? You really think you know everything about us—?!”

 

Taemin stilled in Kibum’s vice-grip and Minho slowly let him go, sensing that Taemin was already prepared to apologize for his sudden outburst before.

 

“I’m sorry. But I never said I knew everything, hyung.” Taemin’s voice was so soft it was almost inaudible.  Minho could only tell Changmin heard him from the way his eyes widened. “And I thought you could use a wake-up call. I might have been out of line, but…you came over here to talk to us about this, so I figure it’s fair exchange.” 

 

Before any of the other boys could even move, Yunho and Changmin were both lowering their heads in perfect ninety degree bows. 

 

Taemin stared, mirroring the other SHINee members’ equally stunned expressions.

 

“—We’re the ones who should be sorry.” Yunho murmured, gaze gentle and the ghost of a smile present as he lifted his head to the five boys gathered around him. “We were the ones out of line, pushing all these problems on you…” 

 

Changmin lifted his head, letting out a dark chuckle. 

 

“Let’s go. I think we’ve already overstayed our welcome as it is.” It was a weak return to his usual dry wit, but Minho was grateful to see even an inkling of that usual spark in his hyung’s eyes. “Besides, it’s getting late. Our manager’s probably still waiting where we left him, ready to drive off without us.”

 

“Probably,” Yunho laughed, ruffling Changmin’s hair lightly and moving toward the corridor to leave. 

 

“Thanks for dinner, guys. We’ll go now.”

 

“Oh, waitwaitwait—we’ll walk you out!” Jinki chased after the departing pair, reaching for a memo pad lying on the counter nearby. “A-And give us your new phone numbers so we can keep in touch!”

 

They did just that, and Jinki left with Taemin and Minho to follow their sunbae-nim out.

 

Jonghyun and Kibum said their goodbyes at the table before they ran off toward the bedroom, off to find notebooks for a “SHINee Breakup Plan” discussion with the others later.

 

Jinki ushered the solemn duo all the way to the door and opened it for them, while the youngest two got their coats from where they were hanging in the foyer closet.

 

“You didn’t have to walk us out,” Yunho remarked, taking his jacket from Taemin, “Your apartment’s just as small as ours, if not smaller.”

 

“Not at all,” Jinki piped up, offering a dazzlingly bright smile. “It was really good to see you both!” Then, a touch melancholic: “I just wish we could do more to help you…” 

 

“Don’t worry about us.” Changmin ruffled Minho’s hair and—after (pretending) to consider it—pulled Taemin into a bone-crushing bear hug that made the youngest squeak and flail his arms around. “You guys just focus on your comeback, okay? Make your hyung-deul proud and all that.” 

 

“We will,” Minho grinned, leaving Yunho’s arms and coming over to hug Changmin one last time. “We’ll make you guys proud…all five of you.” 

 

“Pinky promise!” Taemin chirped, holding out his pinky to Yunho and Changmin and making them all laugh. 

 

“We’ll be holding you to that, then.” Yunho grinned, giving one last wave before he and Changmin shut the front door entirely. “SHINee, fighting!”

 

_ Pinky promise _ , Minho thought, taking Taemin’s hand before they followed Jinki back into the living area and watching Taemin break into that warm and inviting smile again,  _ we won’t let you guys down _ .

 

After all, he had too much to lose if he broke any of the promises he had made since SHINee was formed. 

 

He would lose Jinki (their too-fearless leader, their hopeless ‘older brother,’ their worrywart leader Onew, who always put their needs before his own) and he knew he would never want that to happen.

 

He would lose Jonghyun (their too-confident lead singer, their self-proclaimed ‘skinship king’ Jonghyun, their chatterbox lead singer who always knew when to get serious) and he knew he would never want that to happen. 

 

He would lose Kibum (their too-dramatic group umma, their ‘jack-of-all-trades,’ their no-nonsense Key who always knew what they were thinking) and he knew he would never want that to happen. 

 

He knew he would lose Taemin (their too-obliging maknae, their stubborn ‘handy boy,’ their passionate dongsaeng Taemin who always put his heart into everything he did), and he knew he would never want that to happen.

 

Minho made a promise to himself that night. 

 

He swore that he would always take care of his fellow members and protect the life he had come to call his own. 

 

He swore to himself tonight, too, that he would stay strong in the face of adversary and stand his ground if circumstance forced them to make a choice between splitting up and staying together. 

 

This was his life now, Minho realized—as Jonghyun and Kibum dragged him to the couch to talk over their newest scheme, as Jinki passed soda cans around to each of them in turn, and as Taemin came right to Minho’s side to hover close and sit down beside him—and whatever time he had left to spend with his second “family” was far too precious to waste.

 

It wasn’t perfect or terribly special.

 

But this was his life. 

 

(And maybe, Minho realized with a smile, that was what Yunho and Changmin—and Jaejoong—had been trying to get him to realize all along.)


	13. Lucky in my life.

 

 

Minho never expected October to come and go so quickly.

 

He never expected their comeback to turn out so smoothly, either. 

 

They had to make a fairly big image change for  _ Ring Ding Dong _ , too—going with a mostly red, black, and silver palette as opposed to the rainbow of colors they wore for  _ Juliette _ promotions—but Minho thought everyone handled the transition extremely well. 

 

On top of their promotional activities, Minho had other responsibilities on his plate ever since the mid-September.

 

Being a part of  _ Let’s Go Dream Team _ ’s main cast meant he had a full schedule to deal with every week. 

 

Balancing promotional activities, filming, and school was difficult, but Minho was happy, too. 

 

He loved getting to talk and interact with sunbaenim and hyung-deul he normally didn’t come in contact with while he was with SHINee. 

 

He loved the exhilaration and the competition that came with playing sports-related games, the first time he had a chance to do that regularly since middle school. 

 

He loved the chance it gave him to shine on his own, to show the world what Choi Minho could do, and show a different side of himself to the cameras.

 

But the best part was coming home from filming, going straight into the shower (Key-umma’s orders were absolute), and coming out to find all the members crowded on the living room couches—not because they were anxious to watch something on TV, but because they were waiting up for him.

 

“Hey, how’d filming go?” Jonghyun chirped with a jaunty wave, then proceeded to swat at the taller boy from his place in Kibum’s lap. “Look at you!  Looks like someone’s gettin’ back into shape!”

 

“I’m plenty in shape,” Minho retorted as he walked past, shoving Jonghyun playfully—almost shoving him off the couch in the process. “I used to play soccer in grade school, remember?”

 

“And I wouldn’t talk if I were you,” Kibum rolled his eyes, prodding Jonghyun’s stomach until he squawked in protest. “Mr. I-Can’t-Be-Bothered-To-Learn-Our-New-Choreography-Properly.” 

 

“Hey, I’m lead singer, okay?” Jonghyun huffed, but his indignation dissolved quickly when Kibum stroked his hair and handed him the last water bottle. “Taeminnie’s our dancer, and he works hard enough for the both of us!”

 

“Our maknae works hard enough for all of us,” Jinki piped up from where he was sprawled out on the other couch (Minho thought he fell asleep ten minutes ago), one hand held high in agreement. 

 

“Speaking of,” the leader groaned, lifting his head from his pillow with slight difficulty, “Taeminnie went in after you, right? He’s normally fast with his showers…is he okay in there?”

 

“I’m done!” As if on cue, the maknae came out from the back rooms carrying a pile of pillows almost as big as he was. Minho was at his side in an instant, ready to relieve his heavy burden. “And I brought the stuff!”

 

“You forgot drinks and snacks,” Minho grinned, easing down the last of the pillows on the floor near JongKey’s couch and pulling Taemin into a loose one-armed hug.  “Since it looks like everyone else ate and drank everything while we were gone.” 

 

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot—Jinki-hyung bought more banana milk today!” Taemin beamed, leaving Minho’s arms for the kitchen. “I’ll be right back…!”

 

Jinki made room for him on the sofa, shaking his head with an indulgent laugh.

 

“He’s been trying to keep busy all day,” Jinki murmured, taking his place at the foot of the couch. “But I think he really missed you.” Minho gave a vague nod, watching Kibum and Jonghyun settling back on the now spread-out blankets and pillows, nestled together under the covers like twin kitties trying to keep the cold out. “He kept talking about how easy it was to do his history homework after you helped him.”

 

Taemin came back with a shopping bag of snacks and flavored milk cartons, dropping it unceremoniously on the coffee table nearby with a loud  _ clunk _ .

 

“Go easy on the furniture, Taem.” Minho chuckled, moving over so Taemin could sit beside him and ruffling the younger one’s still-damp hair. “I’m surprised that thing’s lasted as long as it has with the way we treat it.”

 

“Hey,” Jonghyun yelped, the first sign of a guilty conscience, “I only put my feet up on it that  **one** time—!”

 

“—And then Key-umma told you not to do it anymore,” Taemin giggled, though not before taking another long sip of his banana milk, “unless you wanted to be out on the couch for a week, right?”

 

Everyone broke into raucous laughter after this.

 

Even Jonghyun, who was stunned silent for a few seconds, and Jinki, who Minho figured would fall asleep the minute his head hit the pillow based on how tired he looked.

 

The rest of the hour they spent awake together passed quickly and pleasantly. 

 

Jinki told lame jokes while Jonghyun and Taemin backed him up. 

 

Kibum got them to start playing the “Remember When” game for a good half-hour. 

 

Minho stood back for the most part and watched it all unfold, like he always did, speaking only when it was necessary and lying down across the couch.

 

Eventually, they all drifted off into slumber sometime between Jonghyun’s soliloquy on music and idolhood and Jinki and Taemin’s rendition of some English song Minho had never heard of before.

 

When he awoke, the only light around was the moonlight streaming in from the patio window and the sound of light breathing and snores greeted his blurry senses. 

 

But he saw the vague outline of all his hyung-deul sprawled out on the ground.

 

Jinki laid out at the foot of the couch, covers pulled over his head.

 

Jonghyun was asleep in the middle of the floor, one arm propped on his pillow and the other wrapped protectively around Kibum, who was clinging to Jonghyun with the most unguarded and peaceful expression Minho had ever seen on the other rapper’s face.

 

Then, where was—?

 

As if on cue, a warm weight on his stomach suddenly shifted, revealing itself in the form of soft bleary eyes and thick strands of honey-brown hair tickling his neck.

 

“Wh...What time is it...?” Taemin spoke so softly, Minho could barely hear the question. “Did everybody else fall asleep?”

 

“Looks like it,” Minho answered, voice hoarse with lethargy. He glanced at Taemin, feeling the maknae’s slender form shivering a bit under the blanket wrapped around them both. “What’s up?”

 

“It’s cold,” Taemin whined—but then he smiled, nuzzling closer. “Lucky. How come you’re all warm?”

 

“Maybe the cold’s all in your head,” Minho teased him, silent for a second or two before a thought came to him. “Your hair’s getting long.” Running his hands through the thick strands, he felt the ends of his lips twitch. “I thought you said you wanted to keep it short?”

 

“I changed my mind.” He reached out to pat the front of Minho’s long bangs. “Besides, isn’t it better like this?” With a light titter, Taemin’s hands found the older boy’s in the dark and held them tight until he was sure Taemin could  **feel** his pulse quickening. “That way, we match.”

 

And then, Minho realized something: he could tell Taemin how he felt right now. 

 

It wouldn’t take much (he was feeling particularly brazen today) and the timing couldn’t have been better. 

 

They had about a week where their schedule was comparatively free, so they could sort out their relationship and where they wanted it to go. 

 

Taemin had been more and more affectionate with him lately, and even Jinki noticed a change in the way they were around each other. 

 

All the members would help keep their relationship a secret (like they had with Jonghyun and Kibum for months) and he was pretty sure things would work out for the best. 

 

But a part of him hesitated —the logical little voice in his heart that cared about Taemin more than anything else—and reasoned out the other direction they could take. 

 

They could let their friendship develop like it had been doing for over a year now, too. They could keep their relationship strictly platonic. 

 

Better safe than sorry, right? 

 

And maybe it was better to wait for Taemin to bring up the topic of love with him directly.

 

Then again, maybe it was better to be sure rather than unsure. Especially on the topic of love and friendship.

 

“Taemin-ah…” It took all of Minho’s willpower not to lean in closer when Taemin lifted his head from his chest, those pretty eyes wondering and wide. “I know it’s a weird time to be saying this—and I know I told you this before, but —”

 

“…You know I care about you a lot, right?” It took all of his willpower to keep his gaze on Taemin, not daring to let his doubt get the better of him. “And that I’ll always be around, no matter what happens?” 

 

It was eerily quiet after Minho asked his question, quiet for what felt like an eternity. 

 

Taemin stared back at Minho, but his eyes were unfocused, as though his thoughts were the only thing he could focus on. 

 

Minho thought about taking it all back, make an excuse or call it a joke, but he knew Taemin would never believe it. 

 

The maknae was naïve about some things, but he was sharp as a tack about other things, and one of those things was deciphering truth from lies. 

 

His intuition was almost as extraordinary as Kibum’s, really. 

 

That was one of the few things Minho felt Taemin really did have in common with his ‘umma,’ besides their striking good looks and their predilection for dance.

 

At last, Taemin’s expression changed—that bright, unrestrained smile returned and his eyes sparkled with a lovely sort of mirth—and he laid right back down on the couch, settling back into Minho’s arms with a pleased little noise sounding out in the back of his throat. 

 

“I know.” Taemin mumbled into the juncture between his neck and his shoulder, sending warm pulses through him from head to toe and making him pull Taemin ever closer. “I know. And that’s why you’re my favorite, hyung.” 

 

He felt laughter bubbling past his lips before he could stop it.

 

And then, Minho drifted off to sleep again to the sound of comfortable silence—save for the sound of Taemin’s even breathing and Jonghyun’s snores from down below—and the knowledge that Taemin needed him just as much as he needed Taemin. 

 

(They thought of each other as each other’s favorites, they had easily become friends from the start, and they had only grown closer and closer by the day. 

 

Everything would fall into place soon enough, Minho decided, and they still had more than enough time to see where their friendship would go.

 

Besides, he would wait  _ forever _ if it came to that—because as long as he could spend forever with Taemin, he had no complaints.)

 


End file.
